**The 2011 College Football Kickoff - Dash through freaks, schedules, more**

[Coach Hank Crisp]

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Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football, where the aptly named Shady's (1) has been christened the official bar of the Offseason from Hell:

Before we get to the blocking and tackling of 2011, The Dash must bid goodbye and good riddance to a putrid, pestilential offseason. Time to give it a proper burial. Closed casket required.

How bad was it? So bad that the combatants in last year's BCS Championship Game (Auburn and Oregon) both enter this season under NCAA investigation. So bad that scandals cost two elite coaches (Jim Tressel and Butch Davis) their jobs. So bad that even little old Boise State got Bus-ted for a compilation of misdemeanors.

Harvey Updyke (2). Also known as Al from Dadeville, the radio handle of the wackjob Alabama fan accused of poisoning the landmark oaks at Toomer's Corner in Auburn. This rivalry has long teetered on the edge of a sort of "Apocalypse Now" moral breakdown, and Updyke allegedly crossed over to the Colonel Kurtz side with his assault upon tradition, institutional identity, common sense and sanity. Naturally, this landed him a starring role on the "Paul Finebaum Show," which exists to inflame and embolden the basest trolls on both sides of the rivalry.

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