***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[2Stater]

I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth.

Frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in it's mouth, I grabbed it right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.  So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.  It's eyes rolled back, and it went limp.

I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on fishing, using the frog.

Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot.  It was that stupid snake...with two more frogs.

  You're on a roll!

[N.AL-Tider]

Walmart is opening a Dental office in it's stores in the Auburn area.  There will be an Express lane for people with 12 teeth or less.

[Chechem]

Walmart is opening a Dental office in it's stores in the Auburn area.  There will be an Express lane for people with 12 teeth or less.

[2Stater]

Walmart is opening a Dental office in it's stores in the Auburn area.  There will be an Express lane for people with 12 teeth or less.

That's gonna be a looooooooong line. 

[SUPERCOACH]

Walmart is opening a Dental office in it's stores in the Auburn area.  There will be an Express lane for people with 12 teeth or less.

[N.AL-Tider]

New
All men are seduced into believing they're marrying

nymphomaniacs.

The great problem is, after a few years,

the nympho leaves....

But the maniac stays on.

[2Stater]

New
All men are seduced into believing they're marrying

nymphomaniacs.

The great problem is, after a few years,

the nympho leaves....

But the maniac stays on.

 

[N.AL-Tider]

A well known university had just completed installation of what was felt to be the most leading edge computer in the world. As might be expected, a number of senior members of the faculty were pushing back against the change.

The administration decided it might help if the computer were "introduced" to skeptical faculty members by inviting them to interact with the computer. Someone suggested that a YouTube video should be made in order to publicize the event, thought by all to be a good idea.

At the appointed time, the faculty group was ushered into the room. The operator told the group about all the enhancements that could be brought to campus life by advancing technology, etc., etc.

Eventually he invited someone from the faculty group to volunteer and ask the computer a question. After a lot of hesitation, an old, gruffy professor asked, "Where is my father?"

In it's synthesized voice "Your father is trout fishing in Montana" replied the computer.

"AHA" shouted the professor, "My father has been dead for 20 Years!" The operator, slightly puzzled, suggested that the professor phrase the question a little differently.

A bit triumphantly, the professor asked, "Where is the husband of my mother?"

The computer, "The husband of your mother has been dead for 20 years. However, your father is still trout fishing in Montana!"

[N.AL-Tider]

A lesson in making assumptions, especially in thinking the worst…

At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom.
It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.

The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child.
She started walking toward the pastor slowly.

Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted.
The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.

The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward?
What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."

[td57]

Back to stupid stuff 

A guy is about to get married but has a secret he’s keeps from his fiancé and her family. So, he goes to a priest for some guidance.

Groom: Father, I have been keeping a secret from my fiancé and her family and with the wedding just weeks away. It is so embarrassing and could repulse my fiancé to the point of cancelling the wedding.

Priest: Son, if this lady loves you and the family accepts you, they should be able to move past anything. Tell me about your fiancé.

Groom: Father I’ve been in the Navy and I’ve been to every whore house at every dock in the world. When we docked at Jacksonville, I naturally found the best whore house to visit. There I found the love of my life. This gal will do anything and everything. Now I can’t live without her.

Priest: What about her family.

Groom: Her mom and dad own the whore house. Mom is the head Madam and her dad deals crack out the back. Mom’s sister and brother got married and had a couple of kids, they messed up though. The feds came and took the sister and brother away. My fiancés mom took the kids in and they're know a part of the workforce, at the whorehouse. Her other sister made a fortune in the movies. She moved to California and does porn.

Priest: Son, I’m just at a loss. What kind of secret is so bad you want to keep it from this family?

Groom: My brother attends auburn university

Priest: Oh!

[SUPERCOACH]

Back to stupid stuff 

A guy is about to get married but has a secret he’s keeps from his fiancé and her family. So, he goes to a priest for some guidance.

Groom: Father, I have been keeping a secret from my fiancé and her family and with the wedding just weeks away. It is so embarrassing and could repulse my fiancé to the point of cancelling the wedding.

Priest: Son, if this lady loves you and the family accepts you, they should be able to move past anything. Tell me about your fiancé.

Groom: Father I’ve been in the Navy and I’ve been to every whore house at every dock in the world. When we docked at Jacksonville, I naturally found the best whore house to visit. There I found the love of my life. This gal will do anything and everything. Now I can’t live without her.

Priest: What about her family.

Groom: Her mom and dad own the whore house. Mom is the head Madam and her dad deals crack out the back. Mom’s sister and brother got married and had a couple of kids, they messed up though. The feds came and took the sister and brother away. My fiancés mom took the kids in and they're know a part of the workforce, at the whorehouse. Her other sister made a fortune in the movies. She moved to California and does porn.

Priest: Son, I’m just at a loss. What kind of secret is so bad you want to keep it from this family?

Groom: My brother attends auburn university

Priest: Oh!

[N.AL-Tider]

Back to stupid stuff 

A guy is about to get married but has a secret he’s keeps from his fiancé and her family. So, he goes to a priest for some guidance.

Groom: Father, I have been keeping a secret from my fiancé and her family and with the wedding just weeks away. It is so embarrassing and could repulse my fiancé to the point of cancelling the wedding.

Priest: Son, if this lady loves you and the family accepts you, they should be able to move past anything. Tell me about your fiancé.

Groom: Father I’ve been in the Navy and I’ve been to every whore house at every dock in the world. When we docked at Jacksonville, I naturally found the best whore house to visit. There I found the love of my life. This gal will do anything and everything. Now I can’t live without her.

Priest: What about her family.

Groom: Her mom and dad own the whore house. Mom is the head Madam and her dad deals crack out the back. Mom’s sister and brother got married and had a couple of kids, they messed up though. The feds came and took the sister and brother away. My fiancés mom took the kids in and they're know a part of the workforce, at the whorehouse. Her other sister made a fortune in the movies. She moved to California and does porn.

Priest: Son, I’m just at a loss. What kind of secret is so bad you want to keep it from this family?

Groom: My brother attends auburn university

Priest: Oh!

  I'll give you an ecred for that one...

[N.AL-Tider]

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

[Chechem]

There were 5 bottles of hand sanitizer left on a shelf in the Tuscaloosa Kroger, but Alabama's John Petty failed to block out, and a woman rushed ahead of him to get it all.
 

[2Stater]

There were 5 bottles of hand sanitizer left on a shelf in the Tuscaloosa Kroger, but Alabama's John Petty failed to block out, and a woman rushed ahead of him to get it all.
 

 

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