Lee County beer distributor

[BAMAWV]

A Georgia state trooper pulls over a guy for speeding. As he was looking at the guy's driver's license, a bug was flying around the trooper's head. As the trooper was trying to swat away the fly, the driver said "that's a zoo zoo fly. The trooper asked "What's a zoo zoo fly? The driver said "You know, one of those flies that flies around a horses azz. The trooper said "Are you calling me a horses azz? "Oh no", replied the driver and then after a pause said "But it's hard to fool those zoo zoo flies".

Bwaaahahaha. The woman liked it too, Cheese it. You just earned the inadvertent # I gave you a minute ago.

Thank you. I'll be here all week. We need to change the name of this thread to "Cop humor". I got a million of them.......

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

rofl bwaaaahahahaha

[BAMAWV]

I apologize to those of you that read my version of this on TS last year, but it is one of my favorites:


A moped pulls up beside a Trans Am at a red light. The guy on the Moped is revving the little motor and signaling the TransAm guy to race. Trans Am guy ignores him THe moped guy leans in the window and says, "Come on and race me. You scared?"

Trans Am guy says, "Don't embarass yourself. I have a TransAm, you are on a little Moped.  Quit leaning on my car".

Moped guy keeps it going, but the light turns green and the TransAm driver shoots out without warning. The Pontiac fires down the road and the Moped gets smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror.

All of of sudden the Moped goes flying past the TransAm and takes the lead. Equally surprising, the Moped comes speeding past again, this time going the other direction. Now the Moped is once again just a dot in the rearview mirror of the TransAm guy.

Zoom. The Moped passes him again and goes out of sight, past the horizen. Now the TransAm guy has had enough and slams on his brakes at the next red light. The Moped comes flying up to him, brakes screeching. The Moped guys eyes are wide open as he skids to a burning rubber stop by the Trans Am guys door.

Trans Am guy says "Dang buddy> What have you done to that Moped. What do you have in it?"

Moped guy says, "Got in it nothing,--I got my suspenders hung on your side view mirror!"

[cbbama99]

Bwa hahahahaha!!!

My favorite actually is a Jerry Clower ripoff.

A Southern Methodist minister and his wife went to Chicago for a convention. They had to stay at a hotel far from the convention hall, so they rented a car to drive around. As part of the convention, the minister had to wear his official ministerial robes.

As the car sped through town, a police officer pulls them over. As he walks up, he notices the minister in his robes. Supposing him to be a priest, the officer says "Oh Father, I am sorry. I'll just give you a warning this time, and just slow down some." The minister doesn't dissuade the young man and replies "Bless you, my son."

As he pulled away, his wife turns to him and says, "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, a man of God making that young man think you were something you are not." The minister turns to his wife and says, "You better hush up and just be glad he didn't ask who you were!"

[pmull]

I apologize to those of you that read my version of this on TS last year, but it is one of my favorites:


A moped pulls up beside a Trans Am at a red light. The guy on the Moped is revving the little motor and signaling the TransAm guy to race. Trans Am guy ignores him THe moped guy leans in the window and says, "Come on and race me. You scared?"

Trans Am guy says, "Don't embarass yourself. I have a TransAm, you are on a little Moped.  Quit leaning on my car".

Moped guy keeps it going, but the light turns green and the TransAm driver shoots out without warning. The Pontiac fires down the road and the Moped gets smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror.

All of of sudden the Moped goes flying past the TransAm and takes the lead. Equally surprising, the Moped comes speeding past again, this time going the other direction. Now the Moped is once again just a dot in the rearview mirror of the TransAm guy.

Zoom. The Moped passes him again and goes out of sight, past the horizen. Now the TransAm guy has had enough and slams on his brakes at the next red light. The Moped comes flying up to him, brakes screeching. The Moped guys eyes are wide open as he skids to a burning rubber stop by the Trans Am guys door.

Trans Am guy says "Dang buddy> What have you done to that Moped. What do you have in it?"

Moped guy says, "Got in it nothing,--I got my suspenders hung on your side view mirror!"

 

[pmull]

A Georgia state trooper pulls over a guy for speeding. As he was looking at the guy's driver's license, a bug was flying around the trooper's head. As the trooper was trying to swat away the fly, the driver said "that's a zoo zoo fly. The trooper asked "What's a zoo zoo fly? The driver said "You know, one of those flies that flies around a horses azz. The trooper said "Are you calling me a horses azz? "Oh no", replied the driver and then after a pause said "But it's hard to fool those zoo zoo flies".

Bwaaahahaha. The woman liked it too, Cheese it. You just earned the inadvertent # I gave you a minute ago.

Thank you. I'll be here all week. We need to change the name of this thread to "Cop humor". I got a million of them.......

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

 

[2Stater]

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, I wouldn't have pulled you over in the first place."

[BAMAWV]

Bwa hahahahaha!!!

My favorite actually is a Jerry Clower ripoff.

A Southern Methodist minister and his wife went to Chicago for a convention. They had to stay at a hotel far from the convention hall, so they rented a car to drive around. As part of the convention, the minister had to wear his official ministerial robes.

As the car sped through town, a police officer pulls them over. As he walks up, he notices the minister in his robes. Supposing him to be a priest, the officer says "Oh Father, I am sorry. I'll just give you a warning this time, and just slow down some." The minister doesn't dissuade the young man and replies "Bless you, my son."

As he pulled away, his wife turns to him and says, "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, a man of God making that young man think you were something you are not." The minister turns to his wife and says, "You better hush up and just be glad he didn't ask who you were!"

[BAMAWV]

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, I wouldn't have pulled you over in the first place."

[rueben]

My wife's favorite joke:

Know what's black and blue and lays in a ditch?



A Brunette that's told one to many blonde jokes!

[BAMAWV]

My wife's favorite joke:

Know what's black and blue and lays in a ditch?



A Brunette that's told one to many blonde jokes!

LOL-She has quite the sense of humor. Maybe you could get her to help with your postings.  LOL again.

[rueben]

My wife's favorite joke:

Know what's black and blue and lays in a ditch?



A Brunette that's told one to many blonde jokes!

LOL-She has quite the sense of humor. Maybe you could get her to help with your postings.  LOL again.

Ouch...

[2Stater]

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

[#1Crimson]

  I like the LAPD's style. joking ppl     At least the bear wasn't found not guilty. they should have been in Florida

[2Stater]

2 for 1

1) A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car.
"What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."
"Well, show me," the officer demanded.
So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.
Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."


2) On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

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