Top Ten Obama Excuses for the Failing Economy

[Coach Hank Crisp]

The top ten secret White House excuses for the poorly performing economy:

1. Loch Ness Monster threatening to make an appearance in Lake Superior.

2. Economy still reeling from failed 1980s introduction of New Coke.

3. Bo ate my economic plan.

4. Bernanke hooked again on Afghani hashish.

5. Economic time bomb planted by Richard Nixon finally going off.

6. Thousands unable to work after being injured trying to learn the Macarena.

7. Evil spell cast on the country by Dick Cheney has yet to wear off.

8. Obama never should have listened when Bush said, "Obama, wreck the economy."

9. Lady Gaga accidentally allowed to provide economic advice during first year of Obama’s presidency.

10. Obama not getting in enough golf.

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[Coach Hank Crisp]

Another Top 10 List. Obama Excuses for the Failing Economy
 
10. Tsunami in Japan completely disrupted arugula supply chain.

9. Entire nation thrown into emotional abyss by Casey Anthony acquittal .

8. Blockbuster Congressional movie Barney Frank & Friends tanked at box office.

7. Unexpected collapse of massive, doddering European welfare state (which, by the way, doesn't hold any lessons for our own massive, doddering welfare state).

6. Export of heavy weapons to Libya well below forecast.

5. Decision to film new season of Jersey Shore in Italy sucked millions from East Coast economy.

4. Republicans filibustered my plan to invade Fort Knox.

3. Oprah totally bailed on her pledge to give every American a Chevy Volt.

2. Repairing the economies of all 57 states proving more difficult than anticipated.

1. I've always said that the economy would be back to normal by 2016 and the start of my third term.

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