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Texas A&M @
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(Texas A&M -7.0)

Arkansas @
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(Missouri -3.0)

Ohio State @
Michigan State
(Ohio State -24.0)

Syracuse @
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(Notre Dame -34.0)

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Vanderbilt @
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South Carolina @
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Clemson @
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Tie Breaker:  How many total yards of offense will Alabama get against LSU?

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Author Topic: ***The Official CRS Joke Thread***  (Read 73491 times)
pmull
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« Reply #795 on: September 25, 2020, 07:56:09 AM »

No jokes have been posted in a while so I will try. An old one but still good.

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
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2Stater
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« Reply #796 on: September 26, 2020, 05:57:42 AM »

 Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing E-cred!!!
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Hannibal Lecter, MD
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« Reply #797 on: September 28, 2020, 10:42:20 AM »



Good one, NALT.   For anyone who grew up in a small town, it certainly rings at least a little true.
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N.AL-Tider
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« Reply #798 on: October 23, 2020, 07:46:27 AM »

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out....
"Pa, You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."


Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and
yells back, "Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it!"
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Eddie Jackson  Dec. 2016
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« Reply #799 on: October 24, 2020, 05:01:45 AM »

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out....
"Pa, You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."


Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and
yells back, "Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it!"

Bwaaahaaahaaahaaa!!!!!!  Laughing Laughing Laughing

E-cred!  Applause E-Cred
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