***The Official CRS Joke Thread***

[N.AL-Tider]

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift. The
surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small
knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten
up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob". Over the course of the years, the
woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman
remained young and vibrant looking.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems...
"All these years, everything has been working fine, I have had to turn the
knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I have
developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my
eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are
your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."

[Chechem]

Looks like some of our fishing trips!   

[2Stater]

Looks like some of our fishing trips!   

Except the ones you're talking about, we never got that close to a fish. 

[N.AL-Tider]

Looks like some of our fishing trips!   

Except the ones you're talking about, we never got that close to a fish. 

Lol, Chech is confusing that Salmon with either a seagull or Fred...

 

[Chechem]

Looks like some of our fishing trips!   

Except the ones you're talking about, we never got that close to a fish. 

No, I think they were smacking us in the face but we couldn't get them to bite!   

[Chechem]

[N.AL-Tider]

Three Rednecks were working on a tall TV tower:Catfish, Neil and Jimmy.

Catfish fell off and was killed instantly.

As the ambulance took the body away, Jimmy says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Neil says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff. I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Jimmy says, "Where did you get that, Jimmy?"

"Catfish's wife gave it to me," Neil replies.

"That's unbelievable. You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

"Well, not exactly", Neil says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, You must be Catfish's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

[2Stater]

Three Rednecks were working on a tall TV tower:Catfish, Neil and Jimmy.

Catfish fell off and was killed instantly.

As the ambulance took the body away, Jimmy says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Neil says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff. I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Jimmy says, "Where did you get that, Jimmy?"

"Catfish's wife gave it to me," Neil replies.

"That's unbelievable. You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

"Well, not exactly", Neil says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, You must be Catfish's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

 

[Chechem]

   Liked the widow joke, NALT.


Found this.  Seems to span all interests of our colleagues here:

[N.AL-Tider]

A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.

A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat.

The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.

When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"

He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."

[N.AL-Tider]

A guy goes to his doctor. "Doc, I'm having trouble in the bedroom. I just can't get into it with my wife any more."

The doctor replies "I used to have that problem and I found a solution. Here's what I do: I get off work. I run down to my car. I drive as fast as I can, swerving and changing lanes. I drive into the garage, slam on the brakes, kick the door in, grab my wife and rip her clothes off. Works every time. You should try it."

The guy says "I will give it a shot" He comes back a week later and the doctor says "How'd it go."

The guy says "It worked! I did just what you told me and I have never been so turned on! By the way, nice house!"

[N.AL-Tider]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss one in the air, then catch it in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, the peanut fell into his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded only in pushing it in deeper. His wife tried to help, but after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.

After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.

The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's wonderful - isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?"

The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

[Chechem]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss one in the air, then catch it in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, the peanut fell into his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded only in pushing it in deeper. His wife tried to help, but after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.

After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.

The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's wonderful - isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?"

The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

[2Stater]

[Chechem]

 

Hanni Vitalli

Hope I can find her by the maiden name...

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