SEC New Member Instructional Guide (Humor)

[pmull]

It's time for us to welcome our new SEC brothers to the fold. Now, in time, we will learn to hate them and jeer them (I already have a piss bomb labeled "Aggie"), but for right now, we can pretend that we like the new guys.

To help them get acquainted with their new surroundings, I thought a helpful "Dos and Don'ts" guide would be useful. This is all in the spirit of good sportsmanship of which the SEC is so famous for.

DO make the road trip to Ole Miss. They say they have never lost a party, but that's only because no one keeps score. They do lose at football, and you'll want your first road trip to be a good one now that Vandy has gotten all frisky.

DON'T ask an LSU fan what you are eating. If it tastes good, eat it. You honestly don't want to know what is in the sausage, just be happy it is delicious.

DON'T brag about your basketball team. No one cares. Bragging about hoops is just telling the rest of the conference you suck at football. Win a bowl game, then you can brag about basketball.

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[Chechem]

DO read the football forum of your rival school.
DON'T refer to your rival fans as mean spirited, and never mention the weather.

[2Stater]

DO read the football forum of your rival school.
DON'T refer to your rival fans as mean spirited, and never mention the weather.

 

DON'T be ashamed of your southern roots. That means keep printing that "Scoreboard!" t-shirt, Mizzou. The South has its own distinctive literary and cultural tradition. You're welcome for Southern gothic, blues, and jazz. Not to mention better food. Yankees will bring up the Civil War only because that's the last time the Big Ten beat the SEC on the field, and even then, one of their best generals was LSU's president.

  

[cbbama99]

DO develop a hatred of the color orange. A&M already has a leg up in this area, so to help Mizzou out, we are sending 20,000 Tennessee fans to your campus. You're welcome.

 

[Catch Prothro]

DO offer up one of your commitments every year to Darth Saban as a tithe. He's going to take one anyway, so just brace yourself for it.

[BAMAWV]

DO trash talk other conferences. It's fun. Especially when you point out the SEC has more national titles in the last five years than the Big Ten has in the last forty-five.

 

SIAP

Maybe too big to get on a bumper sticker. May have to buy a bigger bumper.

[Chechem]

Good enough.

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