The difference in Southern and Northern football fans (Humor)

Southern and Northern football game.

Women's
Accessories:
NORTH:
ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis
Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain
Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are
for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold
20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000
people.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding
fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of National Champion Coaches.

Homecoming
Queen:
NORTH: Also physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss
America.

Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are coordinated,
you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete
with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.

Getting
Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket
office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you
walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting
list.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH:
Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have
classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't
want to see the few students that might actually make it to
class.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the
University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their
school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really
faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few
students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes
up and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on
camera and wave .

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a
grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck
tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn.
Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who comes over
during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to
the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it,
you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it
becomes the state's third largest
city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup,
filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the
home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough
room for mixin'.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH:
Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH:
100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part
harmony.

The Smell in the Air after the First
Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of
Captain Morgan/Crown.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice
play."
SOUTH: Dagummit! You slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his
legs!

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "Wow guys, this
certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: Dagummit! You slow sumbitch - tackle
him and break his legs!

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and
paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a
tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the
Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game
ends.
SOUTH: Fraternity houses are rockin', and another rack of ribs goes on
the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon;
planning begins for next week's game.

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